To do this, however, you usually needed to have him man-marking the opposition goalkeeper, an ultra-successful but entirely unrealistic tactic which, without question, is the most tragic cheat employed by anyone ever. Available for Dinamo Minsk for a pittance on the 2001-02 version – although not in England, because he couldn’t get a work permit at the start of the game – Tsigalko went on the sort of preposterous scoring runs whose conclusion you simply couldn’t wait until the morning to see.įor some he even managed 100 goals in a season, which gave a whole new meaning to the notion of boys in darkened rooms getting off on the Maxim Hot 100. Maxim Tsigalko was the sort of man who made you do that. There are few more chastening experiences in the mezzanine hours than realising you’re still playing Champo and you’re up for work in, ooh, 12 minutes. Some internet forums suggest he was sacked as a result but, due to the credit crunch, the Guardian can no longer afford to fly us to Portugal to investigate, so we can’t be sure. Then, for the 2001-02, a programmer called Tó Madeira decided to illicitly slip himself into the game as an almost peerless goalscorer (available on a free at the start, too). Reports that Graeme Souness tried to sign them to play alongside Ali Dia at Southampton three seasons later, after a tip off from Roy Race, are unconfirmed. That’s what Mark Collis and Ferrah Orosco, who worked on the game, did in the 1993-94 end-of-season edition: both were put straight into lowly Cambridge’s team as fully fledged England internationals. Wish fulfilment comes in many forms – most of them while you’re asleep and therefore not awake and being you – and the chance to make oneself a star of English football was always likely to prove irresistible for the geekier end of the fraternity. Read more 2) Mark Collis & Ferrah Orosco (AM C & D RC)
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